Finally...

it's been months since I've even posted here. How typical. As usual, some parts of my life are going really well, others are dwindling fast. School is going all right. Pre-calculus is going to rape me. I feel dumb in that class. The Burden is okay ...so far. I'm starting to be more active within activities at schoo and being more outgoing with people. My friendships are one of the best things in my life right now. Everything else pretty much sucks. Randilea came out of nowhere and I feel really close to her. I can really open up to her and she oddly enough gets me.

On the other hand, I'm more lonely and depressed than I can describe. I am starting to realize that things probably won't ever seem to work out with the one person I really want. And the people that I could see some sort of opportunity in, well, that doesn't seem to work out either. So now, I'm stuck in this state. Alone and very lonely. One of my good friends has a different guy a week and it makes me feel horrible. She can get any guy and I can't just because I won't sleep with every guy I think is cute. I feel cliche but I just want something more and I'm starting to even give up on that.

Ha, this is something I had to write about here because I couldn't write it in my English journal.

"what we really want is just ahead, just over that hill. And the more I learn, the less I try to climb. The more we change, the more we wish we stayed the same. The more we try to fake ourselves into beliefs: "the grass must be green somewhere!""