Tuesday, April 10, 2007

the times are changing...

currently: Brian Wilson - "Good Vibrations"

i'm going to graduate in 5 weeks.
i'm going to go to college.
i'm going to live on my own.
i'm going to make my own rules.
i'm going to be somewhere very new.


things have been changing so rapidly lately. i've changed so much in this past year. i have new friends. i have a new-ish outlook on things. i have (mostly) all new good friends. randilea is amazing. i really couldn't ask for anyone better to be so close to. i trust her more than i thought i could. aaron & i clicked automatically and he's closer to me than other friends i've known for years.

something has happened that's hard for me to deal with though... ryan and i are growing apart,and i think we both know it. ever since the whole "hook-up drama" took place, things haven't been the same. it's strange but i just never want to be around him anymore. i don't like hanging out with him. ironically, it doesn't bother me too much. i know we'll both be going to Norman, but I can just feel us easily going our seperate ways. That's life though. I knew this was going to happen... just not yet. That's the only part that's hard to cope with. He was the best friend I'd ever had and I have been wondering, was it all only because he liked me? I don't like who he has become.

finally, i am shockingly proud of myself for multiple things: for believing in myself, for not caring about others' opinions, for sticking to my convictions. i can't believe that i've basically been single for almost a year. it might be depressing to most, hell, it is to me most of the time. yet, it somehow seems like quite the accomplishment to me. I'm proud of myself for being able to be happy with just myself. I'm proud of myself for not having sex with him. I'm proud of myself for doing what I know I really want. I'm proud of myself for being content with my life.

as the wise sherri burden would say, i'm a complete cliche.