What to do?

Current song - "Sexy Ankles" by Superchunk.

I hate school and it hates me back. I have an essay to write that I really don't want to, that she said should have amazing dicition in it. I have a Chemistry study guide to do that I don't really understand. Damn you Boil. Oh, and I did horrible on my U.S. History test last week. I am getting into that mode where I just don't care anymore and it sucks. I think my 4.0. is going down and that REALLY sucks. I'll be really pissed if I'm not in the Top 10% by the time I graduate. See, I hate this about me. I care about these stupid things that don't even matter, or rather, won't matter in one year.

I hate college even more actually. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and it sucks. The fact that my mom guilts me about it all the time is no fun either. The fact that my parents keep pressuring me to stay in-state.. reeeeally isn't any fun either. I hate this place and I want to get out, is that too much to wrap your head around?

BLAH. Another thing I hate is distance. It all-around pisses me off. I have to see people daily that I really can't stand and that I find to be complete idiots but I can't see some of the people I care about most. I can't see Marye anymore and she's probably the only person I can tell anything to. I can tell Lauren but I don't know, there's this odd understanding that Marye & I that I haven't had with anyone in a long time. I miss the hell out of her. I miss him and he's not even with me, how weird? He's right though... I do need to take more risks. I think that's the problem with my life. I'm too afraid of everything. I'm too afraid that something will happen so I keep myself from taking a lot of risks. I'm taking a risk on him... and it's completely worth it. At least I know that for sure.